you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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