we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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