I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
