Cold hands, warm shart.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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