Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
