His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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