the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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