Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need a burrito and a hug.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
