First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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