Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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