i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
