so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
