Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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