guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My cat gives me a boner
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
