Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
