I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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