He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
