I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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