saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
