So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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