What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
