Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
