I puked a lego.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
