3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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