I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
