Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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