Tell her she can't have a vagina
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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