So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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