Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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