Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
