By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have feelings that need drinking.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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