I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
