not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize