I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
