Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
