If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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