my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she told me i tasted like america
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
