Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify