Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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