she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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