I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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