You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We need to get me chipped asap
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
