I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
