i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
