Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
