I think im going to throw up on grandma
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
