if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
