Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
