Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
