last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
