yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
