I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
this will be a night to untag.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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