somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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