All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
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Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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