Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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