I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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