i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I need moral support for this bender
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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