Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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