Who did Billy Mays play for?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
