literally had 100 drinks last night.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
